my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
