Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
