After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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