im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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