If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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