I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
