I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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