about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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