You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he puts the penis in happiness.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
