home. puking in laundry basket.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
