I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
