woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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