Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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