He felt like a one man threesome
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
