I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
