i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
