Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
