sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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