He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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