If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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