Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
