so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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