this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
