Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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