Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
