I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
