Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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