nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
