morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
