Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
