I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
