maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
