I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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