all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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