I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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