I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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