I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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