Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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