omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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