It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
