Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
