I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
