doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
one might say we're banned from that church
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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