Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I deserve this hangover.
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