upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
