Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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