I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
