my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
