No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
