Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
