Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
